Okay. Stop looking at me like that. Newt shenanigans is for noobs? Play it. No for real. Play a few games with it and then you'll stop smirking at the cute interactions, and realize how much value each of these cards have.
The whole thing started when me and a friend made a bet on who could be the first to win 5 games in a row on cockatrice with a $20 deck (including sideboard). That's a quarter per card. Buget was tight. Like, prom night tight, and everyone we'd be playing against was running some T1 netdeck they saw on SCG. I decided early on that Gift of Immortality would be my rare as it would let me get alot of value out of some ETB and LTB effects. The first idea was to throw it on spark trooper (lol), but that interaction is kind of shakey, and it just didn't work like I wanted to. So, I headed on over to google and looked for standard cards that had decent ETB effects. That's when I found Festering Newt. -4/-4 when he dies? Aww, yeah. And he's a 1 drop too! Fuck it! Throw the witchs and pots in there and we'll call it a day!
The first thing I did after that was jam Angel's Accord and Sanguine Bond in there as well (I know right?). Take my word on this, and I mean it. They are not the droids you are looking for. Don't put them in. Not even sideboard. They. Are. Win. More. If you are already sac'ing a newt every turn, you are going to win. Just that simple. We need it to be more stable. It's already explosive. We need Orzhov.
I tried playing it like a combo deck (it sorta is) where I just played lots of control until I puked all over everything, but I didn't like it at all. So instead, I took a page from legacy, and modeled it after Death and Taxes. What I needed was other high efficiency creatures that could also work well with Gift. Providing pressure while still protecting the core of the deck. Easy. High Priest of Penance. 4-of. Done. Cartel adds another sac outlet if I need it, and isn't a bad card anyway, so.. why not? I had Sin Collector as well, but.. I don't know. He needs Thoughtsieze to compliment him in order to be really effective, and that was WAY out of price range. I kept looking, and eventually found Ogre Slumlord. Go read him. Every newt sac makes 2 rat tokens with deathtouch. That's called value. Well, now the curve is getting high.. how about Drainpipe Vermin? It's a rat. Discard effect. 1-drop.. Done. Squeak squeak, motherfucker.
Orzhov charm was an auto include as soon as I decided on w/b. In fact, it's WHY I went w/b. Think of it as 4 more newts. Instant speed reanimator for a combo piece? C'mon.. I'd use it just for that. And it kills stuff! But, but.. you lose life? Fuck you. I used it on a tutored newt to trigger the -4 to kill your Stormbreath at instant speed, and I lost one. damn. life. Awesome! Well, the immortal high priest sure was fun, but now I wish I had saved Gift for my newt combo that I built the whole deck around- SHUT THE FUCK UP! Bounce that shit to your hand at instant speed, tutor the newt, re-play that shit, and SAC THAT MOTHERFUCKER!.. Value: Just add water.
Orzhov Charm solves all your problems.
Pharika's Cure sucks right? Unless you hit a Gift'ed High Priest to blow up what ever you want and gain 2 life for TWO BLACK MANA at instant speed. That alone is seriously worth it. It also does other cool things, but I'll let you figure it out.
Same thing goes for Grim Return. I actually found this while looking through my cards in real life to sleeve this deck up (got tired of cockatrice). Game changer. Right here. If you can't find a creative use for this card in this deck.. I don't know, man. Don't play legacy, I guess. Seriously, go read it. It basically says "Do whatever you want, as long as it makes them butthurt."
Game after game I played, changing cards around, adding new ones, trying different lines of play.. One thing became clear. This is not a good deck. This is jank. But also, it wins. Once the engine starts burning, your tempo will shoot through the roof. Unless they're Sphinx Rev'ing, most decks simply can not handle the amout of actions you can take per turn with all of your early plays generating value the whole game. It was also one of the most fun decks I've ever played. There are so many lines of play every turn that the game no longer revolves around "What card do I play?", but instead becomes "What do I do with the cards I play?".
Long live the jank.